The Year in Review - The Bad and the Ugly

As we get ready to take a break for the summer, I've been reflecting on the last ten months we've spend here in the big sandbox they call Saudi Arabia. What did we originally expect life to be like here? Has it met our expectations? What aspects of this lifestyle have unexpectedly delighted us? What has disappointed us? Has it all been worth it?

When given the choice of good or bad news first, I like to always go with the "bad." I'm not a pessimist, I just enjoy ending on a good note. In that spirit, here is the worst of it: our disappointments, unmet expectations and struggles this year. Tomorrow, I'll end my posts with the "good."

Social/Racial Integrations
Our biggest disappointment is by far how difficult it has been to mix with other cultures here. I'm probably very naive, or at the very least delusional, but I pictured it being a type of Utopia. I thought that we would easily be friends and integrate with people from all over the world. The camp is certainly diverse, but it has just been incredibly difficult so far to cross cultural barriers and socially intermix, particularly with Muslims, on a large scale. And it's certainly not just us. While in the school yard waiting to pick up the kids, one will see a group of white, American women standing together chatting over here, a group of Hispanic women over there, a group of Asians, a group of Muslim moms, and even a group of nannies. Everyone has their friends that they hang out with, and the groups rarely mix. Perhaps it's because you are far from home and it's comforting to be with people who share similar culture, who get what you are going through. Who knows? Whatever the case, it has been very damaging to my hopes for world peace and understanding, and dwelling on it too long makes me depressed.

Arab Majority on Camp
We were surprised when we arrived at the small amount of North Americans who live here. Technically the percentages we were told were not that far off, but we didn't realize how many US/Canadian passport holders were actually from other, mainly Arab, countries. I know that technically nearly all Americans are not "native" to the US, but I'm talking about people that have immigrated within the last few years and don't live an American lifestyle. Not only that, there are more Saudis living on camp than we expected as well. Not a big deal, but you end up with the camp becoming much more "Muslim" than we were led to believe. Visiting Santa ends up becoming called a visit with a "Seasonal Visitor." Trick or Treating in the community isn't advertised widely, and is relabeled "Dhahran Community October Event." A good number of Michael's classmates fasted for Ramadan. And when I go to the clinic, I feel very uncomfortable in short sleeves (I usually bring a sweater to put on when I arrive) amongst all the completely covered women. We expected that "on camp" would be no different that living in the US. Generally speaking, it's true. But not quite.

Tough Groups at the Playground
Next on my list of "bad" surprises...the shocking lack of innocence among the kids here. Not so much the American kids, (I know this will sound prejudiced), but the kids from other cultures, again specifically the Arab cultures. They swear a lot. They are expert insulters. They watch movies and play video games that would shock you. They learn all kinds of things that "we" think they are too young to be learning. It comes down to a difference in culture - to them, swearing isn't a big deal at all, and insulting some one's family, particularly the mother, is just part of trash talking. By just being around them, my boys have lost some of their innocence and learned vocabulary they probably wouldn't have learned until at least middle school. We hold them to a different standard, tell them that in our culture talking like that is NOT acceptable, and try to highlight the way things are interpreted differently by different societies. It's sure a bummer to be having to deal with it so early.

The Time Difference
We had hoped that with our Vonage VOIP (voice over Internet phone) line that keeping in touch with family and friends would make living here no different than living in Michigan. After all, what could be easier than living in Saudi and picking up the phone from a Seattle area code, dialing anywhere in the US (besides actually doing that in the states)? It saddens me to say that while the VOIP certainly made it affordable to stay in touch, it did nothing to help the 7-10 hour time difference we have. The most convenient time to call for both here and the states is after 3pm our time, which is right when the kids are coming home from school. We are, for all intents and purposes, fairly unavailable for lengthy phone calls during those hours - Michael needs our full attention to stay on track with his homework, that leads into dinner preparations, eating dinner, family time, bedtime. By the time the kids are in bed, I'm just not really in the mood for a chatty conversation.

Shopping
While we have been pleasantly surprised at the availability of products, grocery and otherwise, we underestimated how difficult it would be to obtain those goods. Being forbidden as a woman to drive off the compound, I either have to hire a taxi, a private driver or wait for Steve to take me shopping. Yes, we do have a grocery store on camp and for that I am very thankful. However the consistency of stock leaves much to be desired, the variety of goods is fairly narrow, and the prices are high. The better quality food and goods that we are accustomed to are at the Safeway in Khobar, and I can't just shop there without significant pre-planning. On top of the transportation issue, you have to work around prayer time, a forced closing of all businesses five times daily. So yes, I can buy Doritos, Cool Whip, Colgate toothpaste...just not without a huge hassle. I'm glad that details and planning are a couple of my strengths.

Being disappointed and having expectations not met is generally a part of living in a foreign country. We knew there would be a list. However, we would say without any hesitation that the reasons we came here did not end up being on this list - they are on the other one. The hopes that we had for the schools, Steve's working environment/hours, amount of family time, the sense of personal safety, and the ability to travel...the things that mattered most to us...have met and in some cases exceeded our expectations. More on that tomorrow...