Baby Steps

My friend Julia is starting a book club with six of her friends and invited me to join them. For some reason I found myself hesitating. However one thing I've learned from all the moving we've done...you don't really start making new friends or getting connected to the community until you start participating. I learned this the hard way in Michigan. I started the classes at Kalamazoo College and didn't want to overwhelm myself so I held back participating in the neighborhood or the kids' school activities. But then I found myself two years into it wishing I was plugged in better.

Then why the hesitation? There is so much to get involved in here, for adults and kids alike. We have been very careful to not over schedule our family. At the same time we DO want to be involved. We are just trying to be very selective at this point, so that we can choose the commitments that will bring us the most pleasure to be involved in with the least amount of detraction from family time.

So, a book club? I really enjoyed the book clubs I've been in before and it's a very small commitment - just one night per month. We would meet in the evenings, when the kids were in bed, or soon to be anyway. When I heard that the meetings are going to be at restaurants, well that just sealed the deal. I told Julia to count me in...I'm ALWAYS up for a Girls Night Out!

I love reading. Reading for pleasure is my favorite (especially on leisurely vacations), but I also enjoy reading to learn (I just got a book about the science of cooking - like the difference in using butter instead of shortening in cookies) and Steve would say that reading is my sleep crutch. I love mysteries, sappy easy reads (the literary equivalent of a chick flick), books that really make me ponder and question...any book really, depending on my mood. Most recently I finished "The Kite Runner," by Khaled Hosseini - a fabulous, but not light-hearted book. I've now started "The Last Chinese Chef," by Nicole Mones. Yes, book clubs are great - I'm very open to suggestions of a good book to read.

We had our first meeting last night to discuss Randy Pausch's "The Last Lecture." It was a very moving book, similar in my mind to Mitch Albom's "Tuesdays with Morrie." The just of the book is that someone is dying and imparts the wisdom they've learn to those they are leaving behind. We had a lively discussion about our childhood dreams and the things we would do differently if we knew we only had six months to live. Not one of my favorite topics though - it always makes me think about my mom and what she must have been thinking when she knew she was dying, which isn't something I like to ponder in front of other people in the middle of restaurants.

On a side note...the restaurant served it's own homemade "aged grape juice," the only place in the city (it's on another smaller compound) that serves. I was told to lower my expectations, that it's not very good "juice". But since I like cheap, bad "juice" to begin with, I thought it was great!

One more interesting thing: of the six of us last night, we held passports from the US, Poland, United Arab Emirates, Taiwan, Iran, and Egypt. How cool is that? All of them had lived in the US for varying lengths of time, and were easy to connect with. I liked Julia's friends and had a great time. (Can I start calling them MY friends now too?)

Settling in is so much more than just unpacking the boxes and establishing a routine. That's the easy part. The larger part of settling in is a series of baby steps toward getting connected in the community. You know, like the feeling that you belong, that you have friends you can count on, and that you are making meaningful contributions to the community you live in. It's a long process and quite often not easy emotionally. It's uncomfortable to be a new person, especially for the kids.

So when you ask us how the settling in is going, I'm not sure what our answer will be. It will probably vary, depending on how we feel at the moment. Our boxes are unpacked and the routine is coming along, but we're not all that plugged in yet. Don't be dismayed - just remember that it has to be baby steps. As long as we are moving forward we will get there eventually. And in the meantime, I'll always have a good book on my nightstand. Thanks ladies!